Folks, the staff here at News-Herald Dot Comedy really tried hard to come up with a topic today that had nothing to do with LeBron James or his decision (God, that word is hard to type all of a sudden) to leave the Cavs for Miami.
Every TV station, radio station, newspaper, magazine, Web site, church sermon, Bazooka wrapper and fortune cookie for the last week was Lebron-related and we have had enough.
There were “brainstorming sessions” at the bar, sessions with a Ouija board, more soul searching at a different tavern, surfing the Internet, going out door to door into the community, etc. We tried a little bit of everything to find something interesting to discuss that would let us all stay away from the former King of Cleveland and his journey from The Q to South Beach.
In the end, James’ choice to bolt Northeast Ohio, Cavs owner Dan Gilbert’s reaction, Rev. Jesse Jackson’s reaction to Gilbert’s reaction and all things LeBron since the July 1 free agency deadline have been too overwhelming to ignore.
So we won’t.
However, in true Dot Comedy style, we are going to take a different approach to this. There will be no breakdown of the NBA salary cap or LeBron’s legacy in Cleveland or the odds on who will win the title next year or where David Stern gets his hair cut and his ears polished in Manhattan. No, no, no.
Let’s talk about the people in Lake County and Geauga County and Cuyahoga County who felt like James took a spike off his crown and stuck it in their heart. This rant is for the fans … sort of.
We will stick up for most of you, but some of you have some explaining to do.
First of all, everyone stop calling LeBron’s free agency a dog and pony show. That of course would be an insult to all amateur animal skits in local fairs across this great land of ours. Also, stop referring to James’ act as a soap opera or risk a rightfully offended Susan Lucci to break away from the “All My Children” set and slap somebody with a purse.
Hey LBJ, beware a ticked off Lucci with a Gucci.
There is no question James had every right to leave Cleveland. That is what being a free agent means in the NBA, you are FREE to make a decision as to where you want to play. It is not that he CHOSE to leave, it is HOW LeBron left that has fans up in arms. From Wickliffe to Wilmington, from Perry to Port Clinton, Ohio is no longer the James kingdom it once was. Nor will it ever be.
Not when you look at the fallout after the announcement was made on ESPN on July 8.
Children were crying, grown men were drinking excessively, Cavaliers employees were changing vacation plans for 2012, people were blaming the spill in the Gulf on LeBron and his management team, World Wide Wes was petitioning Hollywood for a reality TV series, Gloria James is starting a fragrance line ….
Oh, the humanity!
The one act of anti-LeBron rebellion that the DotComedy staff didn’t understand was the footage of a father who helped his son lift a signed and framed James jersey and toss it into a bonfire.
So, if my math skills are accurate, James’ leaving hit the Cleveland economy by millions of dollars and to “show” LeBron who is boss, a father shows his son how to throw away an extra $1,000 of sports paraphernalia? Anybody ever heard of punching a pillow or drawing a number 23 on the ground with kiddie chalk and then rinsing it off for spite? Save the cash and get creative.
Come on folks, you are better than that.
The way the staff feels is LeBron is a 25-year old basketball stud, not Jesus Christ in $200 Nike Airs. He doesn’t deserve tears or ulcers or panic attacks because he is moving his circus down to Florida. There is still a team here in Cleveland, albeit one that will not see 60 wins anytime soon.
Does it hurt that he left? Absolutely? Will the Cavs be as good next year? Absolutely not. Should Jesse Jackson have access to a fax machine or an email address or vocal chords? Of course not.
But this is America and we all have choices to make. James decided to leave, Gilbert decided to tear him apart in an open letter, Stern decided to fine Gilbert $100K, Jackson decided he hadn’t been in the news in 11 hours so he spouted off, and Cavs nation has decided this is another dark chapter in the sorrow-laden Cleveland sports almanac.
We will survive folks.
Northeast Ohioans are tough. This isn’t another 9/11 or Hurricane Katrina or re-signing Ricky Davis to another Cavs contract - you know, some real disaster.
Fans never cease to amaze me, however, with their passion and their antics.
Be upset, be hurt, be angry, be disappointed. But don’t be “that guy” who beats up another human being or burns down an expensive piece of memorabilia in protest. Especially when you own the memorabilia in question.
So here’s to dog and pony shows and soap operas everywhere having more integrity and believability and loyalty and entertainment value than LeBron James and his half-cooked decision.
Got a problem with that? Take it up with Susan Lucci.