There’s nothing humorous about crime.
But every time the police and court briefs are printed in the paper, at least one makes the staff at News-Herald DotComedy stop and shake our collective heads in disbelief if we don’t outright chuckle.
Not because we are insensitive to the victim, but because it is absolutely, positively amazing what some criminals will do and think they can get away with it.
Case in point was a story that ran on A2 of the Aug. 17 N-H. A man used a small flash drive camera attached to his shoe to take a photo up the skirt of a woman at Super Kmart in Mentor.
Anyone remember when the worst thing that could happen when you went to Super K was long lines at the register or some Kenny Rogers lookalike mistaking you for an employee and asking for help in picking out a CD for that evening’s possum roast/hoe-down?
Now, to reiterate, there is nothing funny about a woman being violated by a disturbed individual with way, way too much time on his hands. The point we are making here is simply that if this individual had put half as much time, thought or energy into other areas of his life, he wouldn’t be facing such an embarrassing charge and possible jail time.
The man was charged with voyeurism, but we can think of a few other things he should have been charged with – namely sickness, loneliness and stupidity.
Sir, you can get dirty pictures on several Web sites in the privacy of your own home, without risking criminal activity (usually) and you can do it barefoot. Apparently this is not a plan he saw hatched on The Flintstones by Fred and Barney as it would much more difficult to lodge a mini-camera underneath your rotting big toenail.
What really blows the staff away is that this kind of criminal – not just the sleazy photojournalist in question - has to get up in the morning, get dressed, have Thom McCann and the folks from Polaroid ship a new pair of tennis shoes, convince himself it is a good idea, and then leave the house without once thinking he might get caught.
And by the way, when you get caught with a tiny camera on your shoe that you just hovered in mid-air under the dress of an unsuspecting female, there isn’t much defense there. We are reasonably sure Perry Mason couldn’t come to Lake County and plead not guilty with a defense of “Your honor, he didn’t know the camera was attached to the shoe, he was simply doing exercises on one foot in Super Kmart.”
Jim Morrison and the Doors were right - people are strange. Far be it from the staff to assume everyone out there is normal or without issues. But, isn’t enough to hope that we can go shopping for legal pads or paper plates without worrying about being illicitly photographed by a sad soul with a hybrid Nike on his right hoof?
Here’s a suggestion to anyone thinking of a copycat-style similar crime – don’t.
Stay home and do something constructive instead. Do something that doesn't have anything that would make you think of shoes or technologically advanced cameras.
Watch The Flintstones.
Got a problem with that? Take it up with Perry Mason

BTilton@News-Herald.com