Alright, on second thought, maybe the traffic in Northeast Ohio isn't so bad.

How'd you like to be in China? Right now, the road to Beijing makes a two-car fender bender in Willowick look like the freeway scene after the bus from "Speed" just demolished four lanes.

Where's Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock when you need them?

According to reports, a 60-mile traffic jam near the Beijing could last until mid-September.

Traffic has been snarled along the outskirts of Beijing and is stretching toward the border of Inner Mongolia ever since roadwork on the Beijing-Tibet Highway started Aug. 13. The following week, parts of a major road circling Beijing were closed, further tightening overburdened roadways. As the jam on the highway, also known as National Highway 110, passed the 10-day mark, local authorities dispatched hundreds of police to keep order and to reroute cars and trucks carrying essential items such as food and flammables.

Villagers along Highway 110 took advantage of the jam, selling drivers packets of instant noodles from roadside stands and, when traffic was at a standstill, moving between trucks and cars to hawk their wares. Truck drivers, when they weren't complaining about the vendors overcharging for the food, kept busy playing card games.

Think about that news report for a second, folks. The traffic ham started on Aug. 13, and the reports are vehicles are moving 1/3 of a mile PER DAY.

Still want to complain when it takes a few extra minutes to navigate the orange barrels on Vine Street?

The staff at News-Herald DotComedy is wondering exactly what that phone call to the office has to sound like for stranded motorists?

"Yeah, Boss. I'm gonna be a little late. ... How late? Well, you might want to take that chicken salad sandwich I left in the refrigerator and throw it away and please don't change the locks on the door or the password on my computer, and I will get a new photo ID once I shave and and figure out what month it is."

Motorists in this town want to turn the highways into "Blade Runner" when they are delated 45 minutes on the way to a Cavaliers game. Imagine how batty they would be if they were stuck for an entire stretch in between paychecks on alternating Tuesdays?

And it's nice to know villagers are hawking their wares on the highway????? Are you serious, folks???? Do we need that? It's not enough that we are living out of the back of a Honda for 14 days, now some psychotic green grocer from the Chinese foothills is gonna charge the masses $20 a pack for Ramen Noodles?

And what is the Chinese government and police doing? Listen, if law enforcement can thin out the crowd leaving Browns Stadium after a U2 concert, there has to be a way to get this Chinese tragedy cleaned up in less than a fiscal calendar year.

So the next time you are trying to merge into the off ramp on I-271 or Lost Nation Road has you frustrated, just be happy you aren't a semi driver in the middle of a 60-mile nightmare with exhaust fumes and drive-by Convenience Store clerks jumping from trunk to trunk with overpriced Saki.

Got a problem with that? Take it up with U2.

- BTilton@News-Herald.com