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Midge Madness and Other Ways to Look Like a Human Putt-Putt Windmill
Midget
Insects
Doing
Great
Evil
MIDGE!
It sounds like a nickname for an old woman playing Bridge in Manhattan, but it is in fact the greatest nuisance in nature since Glen Beck's last outdoor rally.
The midge. That tiny little insect with the big-league factor to drive you to drink. And if they don't leave the staff offices at News-Herald Dot Comedy soon, we will own at least 25 percent stock in Anheuser-Busch at our current rate consumption/medicinal relaxation technique.
Who would have thought something so small could be such a big pain in the butt? The crazy swarms of insects born of the waters of Lake Erie have invaded our area and are here to make life miserable for all of us. In that sense, look at it as if IRS employees, DMV workers, shady mechanics, punk teenagers, Rush Limbaugh, tortoises with bad exhausts driving in the fast lane and power drinkers at pro sports events all died and were reborn into one swarm of the most annoying entity on the planet .... that's midges!
And it shouldn't be much of a stretch on the annoyance spectrum for those aformentioned entities, either, and you know it ... well, unless you are an IRS employee, DMV worker, Shady mechanic, punk teenager, Rush Limbaugh, a tortoise with driving issues or power drinkers at the Tribe game, then in that case, you would probably be a little upset by the analogy.
Oh, well. Get your own blog.
Anyway, there's nothing better than a beautiful September evening to walk outside the house, take a deep breath of the night air and end up with a mouth full of flying venom like some bad comic book sketch has come to life in the backyard. You walk out of the garage an innocent comedy writer and end up a stand-in for a Stan Lee character being swarmed by winged death!
Yeah, it's that bad.
Even Gilbert Gottfried and Fran Drescher think the midges are annoying.
And folks, here's a tip from the staff at DotComedy - waving at them isn't going to work unless you like looking like a human putt-putt windmill and getting absolutely nowhere. Also, smashing them against the door isn't a great idea unless you are redecorating Stephen King's new condo.
The bottom line is midges are a pain and you just have to wait for them to go away ... kind of like that old aunt who moves into your house and plays Bridge every night.
Aunt Midge, is that you or the latest swarm?
Got a problem with that? Take it up with Midget Insects Doing Great Evil.
BTilton@News-Herald.com
Insects
Doing
Great
Evil
MIDGE!
It sounds like a nickname for an old woman playing Bridge in Manhattan, but it is in fact the greatest nuisance in nature since Glen Beck's last outdoor rally.
The midge. That tiny little insect with the big-league factor to drive you to drink. And if they don't leave the staff offices at News-Herald Dot Comedy soon, we will own at least 25 percent stock in Anheuser-Busch at our current rate consumption/medicinal relaxation technique.
Who would have thought something so small could be such a big pain in the butt? The crazy swarms of insects born of the waters of Lake Erie have invaded our area and are here to make life miserable for all of us. In that sense, look at it as if IRS employees, DMV workers, shady mechanics, punk teenagers, Rush Limbaugh, tortoises with bad exhausts driving in the fast lane and power drinkers at pro sports events all died and were reborn into one swarm of the most annoying entity on the planet .... that's midges!
And it shouldn't be much of a stretch on the annoyance spectrum for those aformentioned entities, either, and you know it ... well, unless you are an IRS employee, DMV worker, Shady mechanic, punk teenager, Rush Limbaugh, a tortoise with driving issues or power drinkers at the Tribe game, then in that case, you would probably be a little upset by the analogy.
Oh, well. Get your own blog.
Anyway, there's nothing better than a beautiful September evening to walk outside the house, take a deep breath of the night air and end up with a mouth full of flying venom like some bad comic book sketch has come to life in the backyard. You walk out of the garage an innocent comedy writer and end up a stand-in for a Stan Lee character being swarmed by winged death!
Yeah, it's that bad.
Even Gilbert Gottfried and Fran Drescher think the midges are annoying.
And folks, here's a tip from the staff at DotComedy - waving at them isn't going to work unless you like looking like a human putt-putt windmill and getting absolutely nowhere. Also, smashing them against the door isn't a great idea unless you are redecorating Stephen King's new condo.
The bottom line is midges are a pain and you just have to wait for them to go away ... kind of like that old aunt who moves into your house and plays Bridge every night.
Aunt Midge, is that you or the latest swarm?
Got a problem with that? Take it up with Midget Insects Doing Great Evil.
BTilton@News-Herald.com
posted by News-Herald Blogs at
7:01 PM
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