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New Year's Resolutions and Other Ways to Waste Your Time to Start 2011
Here’s a New Year’s Resolution for all the NH DotComedy readers to follow ….
Stop making resolutions.
There is a reason that we haven’t checked in since before Christmas. There is a reason that the first NH DotComedy entry of 2011 has not been posted until now. There is a reason all of you hate New Year's resolutions and don't have the guts or the forum to say so.
The staff wanted to wait a week to let everyone quit on their own self promises. That's how much we love New Year's resolutions and all the JFK conspiracy theory paper that they are printed on.
Hate New Year's resolutions? So do we. Come on, you know who you are!
We wanted to let you all light up that cigarette, gain those few pounds, swear too much, wake up late, yell at your kids, fire down bars of chocolate like Willy Wonka at a Easter ceremony held at a crack house.
It’s a boring, old, been-there-done-that-ritual, and you know it.
If there was something you wanted to “give up” or “let go of” that was so important, why would you wait all year until Jan. 1? Resolutions? Please.
Here is a resolution for all of us who live in reality … the staff at DotComedy’s resolution is to go around the county and around the community to find these sheep who follow the herd at 12:01 a.m. on Jan. 1 and make promises so empty that Oprah Winfrey would be teary-eyed after giving her word that the entire studio audience of Harpo Productions would be saved or healed emotionally and physically just by waving “hi” into an out-of-focus camera.
Folks, resolutions are fine at midnight on Dec. 31 after 14 Jell-O shots and a 12-pack of Natural Light. Those promises don’t seem so structured or reliable a week later once the crush of the real world has you shoveling the driveway at 4 a.m. to avoid sneaking a Snickers or a Camel Light, do they?
A resolution to stop New Year’s resolutions is the quest we are on. While not popular, we know you all agree.
So to Baby New Year, Father Time, Father Christmas, Mother Nature, Sister Sledge, Twisted Sister, the Jonas Brothers and every other sibling with an open ear …. Resolutions are nothing more than hall passes for quitters.
Enjoy your four or five days of making yourself feel falsely better than you should. Today, on Jan. 9, you should have already canned the idea of resolutions and move on to overpriced self-help books or a crate of grapefruit for the next rad diet!!
Got a problem with that … TIME OUT FOR A SMOKE …. Take it up with Willy Wonka.
(Btilton@News-Herald.com)
Stop making resolutions.
There is a reason that we haven’t checked in since before Christmas. There is a reason that the first NH DotComedy entry of 2011 has not been posted until now. There is a reason all of you hate New Year's resolutions and don't have the guts or the forum to say so.
The staff wanted to wait a week to let everyone quit on their own self promises. That's how much we love New Year's resolutions and all the JFK conspiracy theory paper that they are printed on.
Hate New Year's resolutions? So do we. Come on, you know who you are!
We wanted to let you all light up that cigarette, gain those few pounds, swear too much, wake up late, yell at your kids, fire down bars of chocolate like Willy Wonka at a Easter ceremony held at a crack house.
It’s a boring, old, been-there-done-that-ritual, and you know it.
If there was something you wanted to “give up” or “let go of” that was so important, why would you wait all year until Jan. 1? Resolutions? Please.
Here is a resolution for all of us who live in reality … the staff at DotComedy’s resolution is to go around the county and around the community to find these sheep who follow the herd at 12:01 a.m. on Jan. 1 and make promises so empty that Oprah Winfrey would be teary-eyed after giving her word that the entire studio audience of Harpo Productions would be saved or healed emotionally and physically just by waving “hi” into an out-of-focus camera.
Folks, resolutions are fine at midnight on Dec. 31 after 14 Jell-O shots and a 12-pack of Natural Light. Those promises don’t seem so structured or reliable a week later once the crush of the real world has you shoveling the driveway at 4 a.m. to avoid sneaking a Snickers or a Camel Light, do they?
A resolution to stop New Year’s resolutions is the quest we are on. While not popular, we know you all agree.
So to Baby New Year, Father Time, Father Christmas, Mother Nature, Sister Sledge, Twisted Sister, the Jonas Brothers and every other sibling with an open ear …. Resolutions are nothing more than hall passes for quitters.
Enjoy your four or five days of making yourself feel falsely better than you should. Today, on Jan. 9, you should have already canned the idea of resolutions and move on to overpriced self-help books or a crate of grapefruit for the next rad diet!!
Got a problem with that … TIME OUT FOR A SMOKE …. Take it up with Willy Wonka.
(Btilton@News-Herald.com)
posted by News-Herald Blogs at
12:25 AM
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