Labor Day is a weird holiday because it is supposed to celebrate the spirit of the working man and woman in America by giving them the day off, when in reality, it only causes more work.

Labor Day is the unofficial end of summer. It’s when swimming pools close, county fairs go away, patio furniture gets taken inside, white pants and shorts get taken off the potential wardrobe menu.

The hard work starts the Tuesday after Labor Day because we all at some point have to figure out what the heck we are going to do for the next 7 months in a deep freeze mixed with depression and boredom, splashed with a dash of annoyance.

Yeah, Labor Day is a real treat of a holiday. Can’t imagine why there isn’t an iconic figure associated with it like Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny. The only thing missing from this Blah-ville march away from sun and fun is the Grim Reaper leading the Labor Day parade and tossing out calendars with NOTHING to do until the following Memorial Day.

The staff at News-Herald DotComedy isn’t real keen on Labor Day, in case in any way this is unclear. Sure, we like the extra day off from work that week, but it’s like celebrating at party that is nothing more than an appetizer before much more miserable picnic that for some reason we all forget about because for one day we get to eat hot dogs and play Cornhole before reality sets in at sunset.

Wow, Labor Day! Hey kids, ready to get festive? It’s Monday, so we can’t do too much or stay up real late because we have school and work tomorrow. Break out the party hats because it is September and it won’t be long until we are dining on the deck with Jack Frost and shoveling snow like an out-of-work elf at the North Pole trying to impress the fat guy in the red jumpsuit.

Really? This is a holiday? How many over-charred hamburgers and cold pasta salad plates can we stomach with a big grin our faces before we all go Michael Douglas in “Falling Down” and end up on the side of a hill in Willowick with a mail bag in one hand and Dick Goddard’s almanac forecasting gray skies and sleet for the next century in the other?

Again, not one person in this country will ever be given a day off from work, march into the boss’ office and shout … “NO! I want to be keeping the country safe from laziness today, so give me a 14-hour shift!”

It’s just that it is hard to lump Labor Day in the same “holiday” pile with Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, the 4th of July or even St. Patrick’s Day.

Seems like a tough sell is all we are saying, so enjoy the day for what it is worth, and then recognize the next day on Tuesday is the start of a march toward a winter wonderland that ain’t so wonderful.

It is a point of demarcation in the calendar. Labor Day is the end of days - fun day, happy days, free-for-all days, and is more of an Oprah Winfrey day where the ominous hand of a powerful force is shoving you in a direction you don’t want to go.

I don’t want to close the pool or take in furniture or worry about October being just around the corner. Kids are fine, but do we need to hunt for pirate costumes on the first Monday in this fine month of September?

Yep, we hate Labor Day. It is a day off work - sort of, for some of us - but it is more a skull and crossbones on the calendar marking the end of fun and frivolity for another year!

Even Charlie Sheen would have to pop some extra “gum balls” to get through that kind of madness.

It ain’t exactly Mardis Gras, folks. It’s Labor Day. Deal with it. Work on doing something better on this particular Monday is all we are saying.

But as usual, maybe we have said too much.

Got a problem with that? Take it up with the Grim Reaper.

- Btilton@News-Herald.com