RSS
St. Patrick's Day Rules and Other Reasons Charlie Sheen is Not a Role Model
Are you Irish?
On March 17, it doesn't matter. However, there are some rules you need to follow.
The staff at News-Herald DotComedy has thought long and hard, and has prepped for this unofficial holiday with plenty of Guinness and corned beef, and we have come up with some guidelines to help you all get through St. Patrick's Day.
1. Don't be "that guy" on St. Patrick's Day - What do we mean by this? Don't be the guy who wakes up, brushes his teeth with an Irish Car Bomb, and then have a friend drag you out of the bar at noon, drooling and quoting Sean Connery movies. It's not macho or sexy. There is nothing more embarrassing than a tough guy who can't speak before the mid-afternoon news comes on like Charlie Sheen on two bottles of Nyquil. Relax and enjoy, eat a sandwich, have a potato, soak up some starch, and pace yourself.
2. Kiss Me, I'm Irish - The cliche is great on a T-shirt or a bumper sticker, but if you get too aggressive with it, be prepared to be smacked like Charlie Sheen trying to hit on a CBS executive's 10-year old daughter. Women understand for the most part that you aren't Irish and you have no business being kissed. So keep your tongue in your mouth and try to be respectful. Enough said.
3. Wear green, but minimize - Folks, you can show your spirit on March 17, but don't overdo it. Nothing is worse than a guy who thinks donning green socks and swinging watermelon Twizzlers is cool on St. Patrick's Day. It is annoying. It is like Charlie Sheen showing up with a tiger, bleeding from its eyes and wearing a "winning" headband. Overkill. We get it, don't need the Green Lantern underoos to prove a point.
4. HYDRATE - Water is your friend, power drinkers. It may not seem cool, but if you are going to start slamming drinks at 7 a.m., mix in some H2O. If not for you, do it for the rest of us that have to watch you turn into Charlie Sheen on a 4-day spring break bender. Step in front of a water fountain or a fire hose, but make sure you have a glass of water every two or three dry heaves. No shame in an occasional glass of water. Wanna be a tough guy? Save it for a different amateur hour. Stay conscious, or check into a hospital and save the partying for those that can handle it.
5. Call a cab or have a really boring friend accompany you - Do we really need to talk about the perils of driving on St. Patrick's Day? Don't be a hero. Get a designated driver. Nobody needs Charlie Sheen on a quart of tiger blood skipping the limo call to bumper pool his way down the highway after drinking a case of Miller Lite.
Got a problem with that?
Well, it seems like a Charlie Sheen kind of day, and a Charlie Sheen kind of column. So take it up with ... "WINNING". Just don't mix tiger blood with your Irish Car Bomb. That's not good for anyone on March 17.
BTilton@News-Herald.com
On March 17, it doesn't matter. However, there are some rules you need to follow.
The staff at News-Herald DotComedy has thought long and hard, and has prepped for this unofficial holiday with plenty of Guinness and corned beef, and we have come up with some guidelines to help you all get through St. Patrick's Day.
1. Don't be "that guy" on St. Patrick's Day - What do we mean by this? Don't be the guy who wakes up, brushes his teeth with an Irish Car Bomb, and then have a friend drag you out of the bar at noon, drooling and quoting Sean Connery movies. It's not macho or sexy. There is nothing more embarrassing than a tough guy who can't speak before the mid-afternoon news comes on like Charlie Sheen on two bottles of Nyquil. Relax and enjoy, eat a sandwich, have a potato, soak up some starch, and pace yourself.
2. Kiss Me, I'm Irish - The cliche is great on a T-shirt or a bumper sticker, but if you get too aggressive with it, be prepared to be smacked like Charlie Sheen trying to hit on a CBS executive's 10-year old daughter. Women understand for the most part that you aren't Irish and you have no business being kissed. So keep your tongue in your mouth and try to be respectful. Enough said.
3. Wear green, but minimize - Folks, you can show your spirit on March 17, but don't overdo it. Nothing is worse than a guy who thinks donning green socks and swinging watermelon Twizzlers is cool on St. Patrick's Day. It is annoying. It is like Charlie Sheen showing up with a tiger, bleeding from its eyes and wearing a "winning" headband. Overkill. We get it, don't need the Green Lantern underoos to prove a point.
4. HYDRATE - Water is your friend, power drinkers. It may not seem cool, but if you are going to start slamming drinks at 7 a.m., mix in some H2O. If not for you, do it for the rest of us that have to watch you turn into Charlie Sheen on a 4-day spring break bender. Step in front of a water fountain or a fire hose, but make sure you have a glass of water every two or three dry heaves. No shame in an occasional glass of water. Wanna be a tough guy? Save it for a different amateur hour. Stay conscious, or check into a hospital and save the partying for those that can handle it.
5. Call a cab or have a really boring friend accompany you - Do we really need to talk about the perils of driving on St. Patrick's Day? Don't be a hero. Get a designated driver. Nobody needs Charlie Sheen on a quart of tiger blood skipping the limo call to bumper pool his way down the highway after drinking a case of Miller Lite.
Got a problem with that?
Well, it seems like a Charlie Sheen kind of day, and a Charlie Sheen kind of column. So take it up with ... "WINNING". Just don't mix tiger blood with your Irish Car Bomb. That's not good for anyone on March 17.
BTilton@News-Herald.com
posted by News-Herald Blogs at
2:29 AM
0 Comments
