OMG. LOL. ROTFL. RUKM?

Ah, texting acronyms. As American these days as mom, apple pie and USWTAFOC - Uncle Same waving the American Flag, of course.

Folks, the staff at DotComedy has been doing some serious thinking - and some even more serious thumb exercises to avoid cramps - and the conclusion is simple. We are a text-crazy, abbreviation-consumed world of people wondering aimlessly through life staring at our cell phones, obsessed with communicating without actually having to talk.

Makes sense, right?

We just ran across a story on WWW - the world wide web for the uninitiated - that illuminates the core of the problem with texting and the human spirit or making a buck without actually earning it.

There is a video circulating on the Internet of a woman walking through a shopping centre and being so distracted by her text messages that she didn't notice she was heading directly at a water fountain.

Unsurprisingly, she fell in, and a video of the incident, which was apparently recorded with a mobile phone pointed at the monitor in the security room has gone viral. However, the woman is not just complaining about the leaking of the video onto the internet - but she is also suing the mall as she argues the security staff should have run down to help her instead of just watching the incident.

Cathy Cruz Marrero told ABC30 that she could have been seriously hurt and she doesn't find the video at all funny. "I'm just like dumbfounded. And all I kept saying was, 'I fell. I fell. I fell in the fountain. I fell in the fountain.'"

Marrero has hired a lawyer to pursue legal action.

WTS? - Where to start?

First of all, if a substantial structure such as a water fountain in a shopping centre doesn’t get your attention while texting, instead of securing legal counsel, secure a tin can and a rope and give up the digital world of sending messages an go back to the days of “The Little Rascals“. We don’t know Cathy, obviously, but our thought is that texting can be dangerous in a car. It shouldn’t be a health hazard in a wide open space like a mall unless you are … well … unless you are unfit to utilize a cell phone in the same way Edward Scissorhands shouldn’t be changing diapers at a day care.

The staff isn’t sure if we should feel compassion for Cathy or join in with the security folks at the shopping centre and laugh uncontrollably. We all text, and you should know the perils that come with it. Of course, Verizon probably isn’t putting disclaimers on the back of phones stating: “Don’t walk into large man-made bodies of water just outside of a mall kiosk in Des Moines, Iowa, where Jennifer Lopez buys her makeup before going on ‘American Idol’”.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s discuss the legal action she is pursuing. Not to be redundant, but LOL.

We have no staff members with a law degree, but … ROTFL. Is a judge in this country honestly going to take this seriously? Is there a guy in a robe anywhere in the USA who is going to award this woman financial considerations because she stumbled into a fountain while texting a pizza order to Papa John’s?

This is the America we live in. Be reckless with your texting habits, then sue someone. Great. Can we move?

LOL. Let’s open litigation!

Got a problem with that? Take it up with Edward Scissorhands.

Btilton@News-Herald.com

Here’s a New Year’s Resolution for all the NH DotComedy readers to follow ….

Stop making resolutions.

There is a reason that we haven’t checked in since before Christmas. There is a reason that the first NH DotComedy entry of 2011 has not been posted until now. There is a reason all of you hate New Year's resolutions and don't have the guts or the forum to say so.

The staff wanted to wait a week to let everyone quit on their own self promises. That's how much we love New Year's resolutions and all the JFK conspiracy theory paper that they are printed on.

Hate New Year's resolutions? So do we. Come on, you know who you are!

We wanted to let you all light up that cigarette, gain those few pounds, swear too much, wake up late, yell at your kids, fire down bars of chocolate like Willy Wonka at a Easter ceremony held at a crack house.

It’s a boring, old, been-there-done-that-ritual, and you know it.

If there was something you wanted to “give up” or “let go of” that was so important, why would you wait all year until Jan. 1? Resolutions? Please.

Here is a resolution for all of us who live in reality … the staff at DotComedy’s resolution is to go around the county and around the community to find these sheep who follow the herd at 12:01 a.m. on Jan. 1 and make promises so empty that Oprah Winfrey would be teary-eyed after giving her word that the entire studio audience of Harpo Productions would be saved or healed emotionally and physically just by waving “hi” into an out-of-focus camera.

Folks, resolutions are fine at midnight on Dec. 31 after 14 Jell-O shots and a 12-pack of Natural Light. Those promises don’t seem so structured or reliable a week later once the crush of the real world has you shoveling the driveway at 4 a.m. to avoid sneaking a Snickers or a Camel Light, do they?

A resolution to stop New Year’s resolutions is the quest we are on. While not popular, we know you all agree.

So to Baby New Year, Father Time, Father Christmas, Mother Nature, Sister Sledge, Twisted Sister, the Jonas Brothers and every other sibling with an open ear …. Resolutions are nothing more than hall passes for quitters.

Enjoy your four or five days of making yourself feel falsely better than you should. Today, on Jan. 9, you should have already canned the idea of resolutions and move on to overpriced self-help books or a crate of grapefruit for the next rad diet!!

Got a problem with that … TIME OUT FOR A SMOKE …. Take it up with Willy Wonka.

(Btilton@News-Herald.com)