The staff at News-Herald.Comedy admits it - we have sinned!

The Seven Deadly Sins include gluttony, and we say - bring it on!

The Travel Channel has a show called "Man Vs. Food" in which host Adam Richman wanders the country like some famished Jack Kerouac caricature, eating more in a sitting than most humans should eat in a week. This beatnik pigout artist has no purpose in life other than trying to get his photo on a diner wall and maybe earning a T-shirt he will never wear, and yet, we can't look away.

Think trainwreck meats ... meat.

If any human wakes up in the morning, brushes his teeth and thinks - my day won't be complete unless I eat a 5 pound burrito filled with sour cream and guilt - then more power to him. And more Rolaids to him as well.

The question is, "WHY?"

The second question is, "WHY THE SIDE DISHES?"

Folks, if you want to sit down to a 9-pound T-Bone steak, do you really need a salad and an overstuffed baked potato, too? Isn't the abnormal animal flesh serving that would make the late SNL fat man Chris Farley wince enough food for one carnival-type challenge?

If Adam Richman or anyone else with a strong appetite and minimal common sense wants to throw down half a cow because some local yokel named Madge is urging him on, Godspeed!

But is the side of cole slaw wrapped in bacon and smothered in cheese absolutely necessary?

We have so little complaints in life. But a 48-inch pizza topped with 12 sticks of pepperoni and a stalk of celery doesn't need to be accompanied by a vat of french fries that even Homer Simpson would have a hard time enjoying.

Perhaps the best thing to do is to grab the remote, put the ER on speed dial and enjoy. Don't take any cholesterol tests than millennium, and don't try this at home.

We as a society are simply gluttons. Doesn't mean we are sinners. We like our food big and our hosts to be a step away from the Richard Simmons University detox program.

Go, Adam! Now pass the salad forks and the salt substitute you will never be using.

Got a problem with that? Take it up with a nutritionist.

- BTilton@News-Herald.coom

So, did you win the under/over bet on how long it would take The Undertaker to snort or roll his eyes for the first time during Wrestlemania?

Las Vegas is officially running out of free time.

Wrestlemania memories for the News-Herald DotComedy staff mostly revolve around Hulk Hogan tearing his little brother’s T-shirt off before preparing to body slam Andre the Giant in some grotesque grappling ballet/soap opera that makes “General Hospital” seem like a biker rally in San Francisco in the late 1960s.

Oh, how things have changed, folks.

Now, the boys in Las Vegas are involved and it is really, really George “The Animal” Steele in a Speedo kind of scary.

Gone are the days of a cage match, a battle royale and a finale involving Hulkamania with the results being the results - no questions or debated decisions. In, now, are the touts who can now somehow put odds on a scripted entertainment showcase of suntan oil, steroids, bright lights, loud music, testosterone milkshakes and drool.

How? Why? What? Where? When? Who makes this decision to set odds on Wrestlemania? Are we really that desperate for wagering opportunities in this country, people? Tell us that bingo, lottery or eating Chinese food 10 days past the expiration date isn’t enough of a daily gamble that we need as a society to parlay The Miz with Snookie in a $100 saver bet?

If that is the case, the DotComedy staff would like to volunteer to be turnbuckled 200 times until we pass out and wake up in a better reality.

Look, we aren’t knocking Wrestlemania or the fans that are so passionate for it. If that is your thing, go ahead and get Junkyard Dog crazy with it!

But do we need odds on it from Caesars Palace?

Folks, there are limits and boundaries that we all should live by. We as a staff enjoy the occasional wager, but it has never occurred to us to seek out gambling options in the world of professional wrestling.

Not to mention, according to some avid Wrestlemania fans, there was plenty of controversy on the end of a few matches. Good luck trying to convince Guido at The Mirage that your ticket might be good upon further review.

Apparently, football, basketball, baseball, hockey, golf, boxing, tennis, curling, horse racing, dog racing, texting and competitive waffle eating aren’t enough options to bet on. Now we need the ghost of Vince McMahon to inspire the bookmakers at the Golden Nugget … oops, sorry, forgot Vince is still kicking - we think. Or is that an animatronic muppet at the New York Museum of Art?

We hope you won big cash on the Wrestlemania main event! For the DotComedy staff, we are just glad there wasn’t a Vegas line on how interested we were in the results on Sunday night. Anything over a dead tree pumped with Nyquil would have been a loser.

Sorry, Hulk.

Got a problem with that? Take it up with Andre the Giant.

BTilton@News-Herald.com